Sharon "Sherry" Paulette White

Well it's the day after Christmas and I survived. It so wasn't the same this year without you. But, thankfully the girls sure do help alot to help keep me in the spirit. It's kind of funny this year though, mysteriously ornaments keep fallin off our tree. The first few times I figured they weren't hung too well, and the tree was a little slanted. But, some of the same ornaments kept falling, after making sure they were put back on extra well. And after the tree got straightened out and stood up perfect straight. So now when another ornament falls from the tree, I think well maybe it's Mom tryin to say she's here. Lawrence says you were very active today, which made me laugh. I still can't believe it's been a full year now since the last time I saw you. And now almost a full year since you've passed on to the other side. I hope you're having a wonderful time over there.
I love you
I miss you

Well, tomorrow is our first Thanksgiving without you, and it's going to be very hard to not have you here with us. But most of us are carrying on and doing what we always do and you will be here with us in our hearts and in spirit. And I hope I don't butcher your gravy too much, as I for some reason, could never quite make it, you always could with no problems. So, if you wanna guide me somehow tomorrow, it'd be greatly appreciated, otherwise we're having jarred gravy, blech! haha

We love you Mom and miss you terribly.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, today, November 22nd would have been your 38th "Giving" Birthday to me. This is my first birthday without you and it just doesn't feel the same. You're not here to call me in the morning to sing me happy birthday, or take me out to dinner or to tell me the story of my birth and how I am your "Miracle Baby".  I miss you so very much every day of the year, but especially on days like today. You are with me in every thought and very much in spirit. I will be taking the girls and I out to dinner, as you would if you were here.  I will listen to your voicemail from my last birthday of you singing Happy Birthday to me and cry but I'm so glad I saved it and can still hear you today, at least.
Thank you for giving me life and for being the absolute best mother a girl could ask for.

I love you
I miss you

Your miracle baby,
Trace

Today marks 3 months since your passing. Again, I can't believe it's been that long, but at the same time it feels like for frickin ever. I miss you doesn't even begin to tell about the huge void in my life without you in it. I so miss having you to talk to, to bounce things off of. I could always rely on you and trust you. You were always so patient and understanding and gave sage advice. I hope you're enjoying every minute wherever you are. And please continue to visit us in our dreams.

I love you
I miss you

Well, this is the first Easter without you and it sucks big time! It's been pretty hard on me. I bought you some yellow Mums, which are sitting at your house. I took the girls out to dinner in true Mom fashion and we enjoyed it... we shared tiramisu for dessert, so thought of you.

The girls scored pretty good from the Easter bunny.



Can't tell you how much you were missed today though.

Hope you're eating chocolates and some yummy ham.

Love you
Miss you

Today marks 2 months since you had your stroke and passed. I know you technically didn't 'go' til 12:22am on the 13th, but I count the 12th, as that's when we really did lose you.

It's amazing to me how fast time can seem to fly by and yet drag on at the same time. We all miss you terribly and think about you every single day. I've had a few different dreams about you and treasure them. I just wish I could remember them better.

I took the girls out to dinner last night, to Gustav's and we of course thought of you. I kept expecting to see you walk in or for a split second out of the corner of my eye I thought I did see you walking towards our table. I kept doing that and I was startin to piss myself off lol. It just feels so weird still going out to eat without you. I miss spending that time with you. Enjoying good food, talking, sharing stories and laughing.

Yesterday, we had to go to your house to pick up tickets from Kim for Bret's talent show thing tonight at his school. (He's dressing up in a dress lol.)  It's still so weird going there, seeing your car still parked in the driveway and you're not there. I said this to Leslie and Carrisa started chattering in the back seat about you. I asked her for the first time in a long time where you were, she quickly answered "Cat school". She's so darn cute sometimes. I just wish she got the chance to know you longer, I fear she won't remember you, but through our stories of you and pictures. Makes me sad, because she got gypped, big time.

I miss you
I love you

A week ago, Saturday, February 27th, we celebrated our first family event without you; Kim's 35th Birthday.

I think at first Kim didn't want to do anything. If you were here, you would've taken her and whoever wanted to join, out to dinner. It was a tradition, that we all enjoyed and looked forward to. So, this was a hard day not just for Kim, but for me as well.

I strongly urged Kim to allow me to take her out to dinner.  I told her I knew it was going to be a hard day, that it would be for me too. But Mom would HATE, and I mean hate it if Kim didn't at least go out to dinner, but sat at home sad instead. I told Kim this and she agreed. I told her I understood, and to think about it, and we'll decide that day.

The other hard part was deciding where to go. Just about every restaurant holds a memory of Mom with us. She loved going out to dinner. Kim decided on Red Robin, if we did go. I put it to Kim this way: Either you stay at home sad and alone, or you go out with family, be sad, maybe cry, but you're not alone, and have a few laughs and eat some good food.

Saturday morning Bret left the house early to go into work to decorate it with birthday stuff with the help of a coworker, who also sweetly baked Kim a cake. Kim was pleasantly surprised when she got to work. I thought that was very sweet of Bret. After she got off work I picked her and Bret up and including Leslie and Carrisa, we all went to Red Robin for dinner. It was really nice spending time with each other. While Kim was in the restroom, Bret went and found our server to tell him it was Kim's birthday so we could surprise her / embarrass her at the end of dinner. Which they happily obliged by making her wear two balloons tied together behind her ears as they sang very loudly a Red Robin version of Happy Birthday. The rewarded her with a free birthday Sundae.

There was a moment Kim teared up, but we helped her through it and really had a nice time. Mom would've loved it. We missed her being there terribly, but she was there in thought and spirit.

Today, February 13, 2010 marks the one month anniversary since your passing.
I can't believe it's already been a month. It all still seems so surreal.

Carrisa said she dreamt of you the other night. You told her you loved her. I like to think you paid her a visit. Either way I think it's very sweet she had that experience.

When I am gone, release me, let me go
I have so many things to see and do
You must not tie yourself to me with tears
Be happy that I have had so many years

I gave you my love, you can only guess
How much you gave me in happiness
I thank you for the love each have shown
But now it is time I traveled on alone

So grieve a while for me, if grieve you must
Then let your grief be comforted by trust
It is only for a while that we must part
So bless the memories in your heart

I will not be far away, for life goes on
So if you need me, call and I will come
Though you can not see or touch me, I will be near
And if you listen with your heart, you will hear
All of my love around you soft and clear

Then, when you must come this way alone
I will greet you with a smile and a
"Welcome Home"

Mary Alice Ramish

Last night I was heating myself up something for dinner. Apparently so deep in thought about what I was doing, for a second I forgot all about this on going nightmare, and thought "It's been awhile since I've talked to Mom, I should call." That was a great second, even if it was ever so brief. Then just as quick as the thought came the reality hit me, like a baseball bat to my head. It hurts so bad that I can't call you anymore. That when the phone rings I can no longer wonder if it's you. That everytime I get a funny email or find a cute kitty picture or story my immediate thoughts are "I need to send this to Mom." then the baseball bat to my head hits. I don't know if this is a cruel trick my mind will probably play on me for a long time, or if it's a split second vacation from reality and for that split second in my mind you are here. I guess it's both, a cruel vacation.

I can't believe it's already been 2 weeks since you left us. Time has dragged on but at the same time, flown by. I miss you so much. I keep reliving that Tuesday in my head. I still can't believe you're gone. I look at your pictures every day. I talk to you everyday. I miss you everyday. And I will love you always.
The world just isn't the same without you in it.

I had my first dream of you last night since your passing.
I dreamt that you had passed away in my dream and there was a knock on my door, I answered it and you were standing there. I fainted and when I came to I was so overcome with joy and confusion, how could you be alive!? Being as I always dream weird stuff, you told me you faked your death cuz you were hiding from a man or a boyfriend, I can't remember which lol.
But I loved it... it was like I got to spend time with you last night.
Please come visit my dreams every night.
I miss you!
I love you!

Whenever my 4 year old Carrisa sees me crying she asks "Do you miss Grandma?" To which I tell her "yes". She then asks "Where'd Grandma go?" I then ask her "You tell me, where did Grandma go?"

She always answers "Cat school!" lol

I have no idea where she came up with "Cat school". I only know that Carrisa was aware how much Grandma loved cats. I think it's too cute and funny and Mom would just love it.

I've tried explaining as best I could to her, but being 4, she really can't, so in her mind... Grandma's at Cat School. 

For about 5 years Bret and Leslie took Kung Fu classes, 3 days a week. Mom would come to every single one of them. There was only a small handful of times she had to miss one. It became like little dates for her and I. When the academy moved to its new location, it really grew. Down the street was a Coffee People that was really good. But after a couple years Starbucks bought them out. We were bummed. And well after several years of sitting and watching Kung Fu, we thought "hey lets go down the street for a Mocha... and a few smokes, and chat/visit". Well, that soon became what we did everytime and we both, especially Mom, looked forward to it. It was only about an hour each day, but I will treasure those times forever. We'd try to sit outside and enjoy any nice weather there might have been and just talk, about whatever, enjoying our coffee and a few cigs. The time always went by so fast and before we knew it, it'd be time to go pick up the kids. Often we would go out to dinner afterwards and spend more time together.

Sadly for me now, those outtings stopped when one by one the kids stopped going to classes. The last time we had Starbucks 'date' was September of 08. We never did do that again, although we talked about doing it every now and then. She often expressed how much she missed those 'dates'. I missed them too, now more than ever.

 

The picture here I took of Mom one day sitting outside of Starbucks. I found it on my phone today and wanted to post it and share the wonderful time we had together that I'll treasure always.

 

I hope they have Starbucks or Coffee People or some really good mochas and lattes in heaven Mom! And hell now ya can smoke all ya want, so enjoy!